what, why and a little rant about my life right now

The reason for this blog is helping sort through my thoughts and register them for myself because I’m that self-centered. It’s also to share them with others so I can know what people think about what I think (however unlikely it is that other people will end up coming here). Finally, I believe it will help me learn how to become a better communicator. So yeah, it’s a very selfish blog, as you’ll see if you continue to read this post.

I suspect I will enjoy writing about my thoughts and I think it will help further developing my ideas, because I spend a lot of time in my own head and this seems like a good way to make use of that.

I plan on following the rule that I should only post what is surprising in some way, so I’ll try to trim the fat, but I make no promises!

I guess I should go on to talk about something other than the blog itself 😀

In the last couple of days I found myself majorly overwhelmed for the first time. The problem was not just that I had a lot of things to do (most of them related to college, a lot of projects). It was that and the realization that I wasn’t going to be able to do what I want with my time, at least this semester.

I signed up for what I thought was a regular number of classes (I just started my masters, and I have a certain degree of freedom in what classes I can take) while at the same time being involved in a side project where other people depend on me. Those two things alone are manageable, the problem arises with the fact that I like to do much more than college and that specific side project.

Specifically I have three major things that I like to do and would hate to have to give away. These are surfing, skating and playing Overwatch, with my interest in the last one slowly fading out, but I am very interested in replacing it with another competitive video game that I enjoy.

Being young is an advantage when playing competitive games, so I want to use that while I have it, and of course it is nice to be young for skating and surfing as well, but since I’m not necessarily competitive in them, I’m not worried about that, I just want to do them for fun and exercise.

I’ve come to realize that these things are very important to me, and now that I’m in a situation where I don’t really have time to do them (especially playing Overwatch, which requires time to get good at it and stay good to reach the level I want to), I feel terrible about taking on these classes and involving myself in the side project (which will last a year, so it also eats some of my next semester).

This is a pretty pessimistic view of things, I’m not gonna lie, and I don’t always think like that, but I’m doing it here partially to force myself to find a solution for this problem. Or to at least consider what I sign up for next semester more carefully.

Honestly, it’s been pretty intense to write about this, because I guess I became pretty good at not having these feelings by focusing on the present task, but it’s still something that casts a shadow over my life, since one of the things I believe the most is that time is very valuable, and I feel like I pretty much committed my time away in a stupid way, but I guess you live and learn (that feels really cheesy to say btw).

I do realize that this post may look too self centered or like first world problems or something, but it’s what is legitimately on my mind and what’s bothering me, so that’s what I have to say. I’m not planning on every post here being about me, but to be honest, I don’t know if I can help it, which may be a problem if I’m writing for other people. I’ll keep that in mind as I progress with the blog.

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